He Blinded Me (With Science)
by the.goal.is.greatness
Summary: "It may seem we are wed to our test tubes. But beneath our cy exteriors there beat the heart of some of the most brazen, raunchy people in the world." [Kirk x Spock]


**Title:** He Blinded Me (With Science)  
**Genre:** Romance / Humor  
**Rating:** M  
**Pairing:** Kirk x Spock  
**Spoilers:** N/A  
**Summary:** "It may seem we are wed to our test tubes. But beneath our icy exteriors there beats the heart of some of the most brazen, raunchy people in the world."  
**Word Count:** 1,883  
**Warnings:** Crack. So much crack.

**Disclaimer:** _Star Trek_ is not mine. The summary is a quote from the novel _Jaws_ – weird, right?

**A/N:** I don't know why, but as I was reading _Jaws_, when I came across this quote, I IMMEDIATELY thought of Spock.

* * *

James T. Kirk, Captain of the USS Enterprise, was at a loss. He was really, really good at picking up alien tail. It didn't matter what planet, what gender, what species they were, he could find someone attractive anywhere. And once he set his sights on someone, he turned on that old Mid-West charm and won them over. Easy-peasy. Flash his smile, say some cheesy pick up line and they were hooked.

Except for now, when he actually _cared_ about the other person he was trying to pick up. When he'd actually known them for more than five minutes before deciding to pursue this. When he was actually friends with them.

"Ugh!"

His head slams against the table with enough force to rattle it and cause the person seated opposite him to raise an eyebrow. "Is something the matter, Jim?"

"Why is _wrong_ with you, Spock?"

The second brow shoots up to join the first. "Pardon?"

Jim looks up from his crossed arms with forlorn, puppy-dog, baby blues. "I mean, how am I supposed to turn on a fucking _rock_?"

Spock blinks long and slow. "I would not advise fornicating with sedimentary objects."

"Oh of course you'd say something like that," Jim says with an eye roll, before he huffs and slouches further down into his arms, staring at the man across from him. "I just don't understand why nothing works on you – what are you, made of stone?"

Spock takes a very deliberate sip of tea, setting it quietly back in the saucer, before pinning his stare on the young captain. "Am I to assume that you are attempting to elicit a sexual reaction from my young counterpart?"

Jim closes his eyes as if he's in physical pain. "Please don't say _elicit sexual reaction_ that sounds so wrong."

There's a beat pause. "Am I to assume you are attempting to fuck my young counterpart?"

"Spock!" Jim's eyes shot open in abject surprise. "You – you can't _say that_!"

"Under what reasoning?"

"You – you're – _Vulcan_."

Elder Spock stares at him, more emotion in his eyes that Jim ever sees in any other Vulcans, amused and admonishing all at once. "A half Vulcan," he corrects lightly. "One who spent the vast majority of his life not just in the company of humans, but in the company of one particular human who made a lasting impression." When the captain looks blank, he clarifies. "You, Jim."

A blink. "Me?"

"I did not lie to you when I said that your bond with your First Officer was something that would be a constant in our universes – I hope – in all universes." There's a hint of nostalgia in his tone. A lifetime with humans and an ease with his human half have softened this version of Spock some.

"Were you two…"

Spock arches a brow at him when Jim trails off. "Fucking?"

"Spock!" His face is red.

The Vulcan holds back a chuckle and takes pity on his young friend, so like the Jim he remembers from his own days as XO that it's sometimes painful to look at him, to have his mind so tantalizingly close, but being unable to reach out and touch. "Yes, Jim. We were together, for many, many years." His voice is fond and sad.

"How…"

"How did he manage to woo me despite the rigid set of Vulcan standards dictating emotion?"

All Jim can do is nod.

"Well, Jim, though it might seem as if we are wed to our test tubes, beneath our icy veneers there beat the hearts of some of the most brazen individuals in the world."

A laugh is startled out of him. "You're fucking with me." When Spock does nothing more than stare at him, he sobers. "Right?"

"I assure you I am not." Spock sighs. "Jim, while I am not obligated to interfere in this timeline, and have before, been admonished for doing so, I find I am willing to offer you some advice: You are attempting to woo your Spock in a manner you imagine is to his liking, correct?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess?"

"Fancy turns of phrase, gentle touches, scientific explorations?"

"_Yes_…"

"Then you must be more demanding."

"I – what?"

"We Vulcans, have a hard time expressing our state of physical attraction except during _pon farr_. At all other times we remain rigid in our emotional control, but that does not mean the emotions are not there. We simply contain them. You simply must push them to the surface to let them loose."

The gears are whirling in Jim's head. "So you're telling me… to be more… what? Assertive?"

"I know that you studied Vulcan biology at the Academy." Brazenly, Spock reaches out to grasp Jim by the wrist. For him, the touch is electric, a memory of his own Jim swirls to the surface, but he pushes it away. He strokes his fingers along the pulse point. "Use it."

Jim watches him pull his hands away like he is imagining someone else. "I can do that." He stands, resolve simmering in his eyes. "Thanks!" He's almost out the door when he turns suddenly. "Hey, Spock – what made you want to interfere in the timeline now just for my shitty love life?"

"What makes you think I do this for you?" As the doors start closing, Spock's lips twitch with the tiniest smirk. "I would simply hate to deprive my alternate self the pleasures I know Jim Kirk can show him."

"_Spock!_"

* * *

Jim is on a mission to find Spock. He knows he's no on duty. So he checks all the Science Labs, the mess hall, the medical wing, the Botany Bay. Nothing. So he checks the last place (which really should have been like the second place) and heads towards the officer quarters.

He stares at the door for so long that a few wary eyed ensigns give him a wide berth as they head down the hallway on errands. He _could_ knock. But then Spock could tell him to go away. Or not answer. Or close the door in his face.

_Alright, Kirk, you've convinced yourself, captain's override it is!_ It takes less than ten seconds to punch in his captain's code and for him to enter the room with the door swooshing shut behind him. _I'm in!_

"Captain?" Spock is seated at his desk, entering something onto a PADD, looking at Jim with an arched brow. "Is something amiss?"

"No, no – well, yes." Jim is walking forward determinedly, courage draped from his shoulders like a jacket. "You've been ignoring me."

Spock blinks. "I beg to differ, Captain. In what regards – "

But by now Jim is close enough to reach out and touch him, close enough to reach up and will the PADD from his hands and circle his wrists in a tendon popping grip. Spock is frozen. "You've been _ignoring _me." He says again.

"C-Captain – "

"I thought I had lost my touch, Spock." He starts to slid his hands down to graze his nails against palms. "You didn't care about my charming smiles or my daring adventures." Spock starts to frown, but Jim brushes their fingers against each other in a long, languid stroke and instead he inhales sharply through his nose. "I was worried I'd be pinning away for you forever."

"I –"

"But then a little bird told me that Vulcans secretly like it rough." Okay, that's not _technically_ what Elder Spock had said, but the little lie was worth it to be able to see the exact moment this Spock's pupils blow wide. "And that's something I can definitely work with." With a yank, he pulls Spock to his feet, turning him around so he can arch his XO backwards and over the desk. He slides in between the fall of him, intertwining their hands and squeezing until it would break a human's bones. But it makes Spock's mouth fall open in surprise, makes his eyes go wide and unseeing. Jim leans down so he can blow a soft breath against the shell of a pointed ear, only seconds before he takes that tip in his mouth and sucks harshly.

Spock tries to arch up with a cry, but Jim's white-knuckled grip on his hands distracts him. He's boneless and pliant with the lust swirling through him, making his Vulcan strength useless. When Jim thrusts into the swell of hips, Spock keens. When Jim keeps pushing down, down, down until he's pressed against the desk to severely the edge is digging into his spine and his wrists, until the weight of Jim is hindering his breathing, Spock writhes.

"C-Captain – " When Jim scrapes his nails down the back of his hands, he gasps. "Jim!"

"Now, that's more like it." Jim is grinning foolishly against the curve of Spock's neck. He's thinking about sending Elder Spock a thank you fruit basket or some shit. If he ever got any work done ever again with his tempting as sin First Officer just waiting to be dominated. Oh fuck, Bridge shifts were going to be so much fun! He twitches with interest at the thought and thrusts forward again.

Spock groans, long and deep, and the sound shoots straight through him. But no, no, no – Spock had ignored all his human courtship rituals for _months_ now, there was no way he was going to get him off this easy. Pun _definitely _intended.

He gives that tempting pointed ear another harsh suck that makes Spock's mouth fall open and start to pant. It's the perfect opportunity for Jim to trail his mouth across a green-dusted cheek to those lips. But when Spock tilts his face up in invitation, Jim keeps his own a hairsbreadth away. Just far enough away that when he speaks, his exhale just barely brushes those sensitive lips. "I can definitely work with this."

Then he stands so abruptly, Spock almost slides to the ground, before he manages to seat himself back in his chair. His face is flushed, his eyes are glazed, there's a bulge in his pants that Jim is forcing himself not to focus on or he'll sink to his knees and – No.

"Captain?" Though he says the word with stuttering, it's breathy and shaky.

Jim grins at him and salutes him boyishly with two fingers. "See you on the Bridge at 0500, Commander!" Spock is about to say something, so Jim leans down, bracing his hands on the arms of the chair so his XO is trapped between them. He makes his voice low and dangerous. "If you're late, I'll have to punish you."

The last thing he hears before he jauntily leaves is Spock moaning gutturally in surprise and slamming his head down on the desk.


End file.
